As we leave my apartment my buddies tell me we are going to a party that rotates locations every few months and hosts actual boxing matches. The address was right; we were on our way to an underground boxing match/party at the Chinatown Mall. I had walked past this place hundreds of times over the past 20 years, never venturing inside past the phone card stalls and chain smoking, snot-rocketing, fresh off the boat Chinese immigrants and the Snakehead Chinese gangsters who had smuggled them into the country in return for a decade of indentured servitude. I knew what was up as soon as we got close and I see Sherlock Holmes waiting to enter the mall, fresh off the plane from Idahoklahoma .
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?" |
I turn to my boy and laugh saying "you are fucking kidding me right?" Luckily I was about 8 drinks in at that point and ready to see what trouble awaited us inside. Of course, the first thing I saw as I walked in the door was a sign informing patrons that by entering the premises, you were aware that a "documentary" was being filmed. Of course it was. Just like the 8th grade graduation video shot by my parents was a "documentary". The "bouncer", who was about 5'7" and 140 lbs of flannel asked us if we were cops. Brooding about how authentically underground they were, I guess they didnt notice the actual plainclothes detectives standing about 10 feet away, who I'm sure were there only to ensure none of vacationing hipsters got hurt or misbehaved in this actual immigrant and very low income neighborhood, not to bust this "secret" event.
After getting in, I humor myself by striking up a conversation with Tyler, "from" Brooklyn. Asking him what the deal is with this event, he said its his first one, and as an engineer he was stoked to see the equipment the producers and band were working with. Drunk and confused, I had no idea what being an engineer had to do with this. I asked him what sort of engineer he was, mechanical, architectural, computer, or something else. He looks at me with great shock, as if I have just told him his father respects him, and nasally snorts "I'm like, a sound engineeer". I laugh in his face and walk away, taking this shot as I mock him from three feet away:
Brooklyn Sound Engineer Tyler proves that Hipsters dont have to be svelte |
Proof I was actually there and didnt just Google Image "douchey Hipster" for the first two pics. |
WAIT. Hold it. Hipsters BOXING? I just peed!
ReplyDeleteAlso, Tyler is a bit behind the times, it seems...overweight AND still rocking that scarf thingy. FAIL. Epic FAIL.
I expect to be told about the next "secret" fight. Unless it's a penis-only affair, then whatevs.
Total douche fest
ReplyDeleteI thought your name was "Sam," "Laura."
ReplyDeleteMust have been quite the ass-reaming you got from a hipster, you're like Mel Gibson with the joos.
wow. this blog is like crotchrot for the brain.
ReplyDeleteGood article...
ReplyDeletecouldn't make this one at 88....but hit me with the next location.
http://5ivefingazmusic.com/podcast.html
fivefingaz_music@yahoo.com
Tyler "from" Brooklyn. ahahahahhaaa.
ReplyDeleteNothing makes hipsters more uncomfortable than being asked where they're really from. Best way to make their ever increasing presence bearable.
Good post Laura! How did your boy find out about the event, would love to go to the next one.
ReplyDeletemarkmstevens@hotmail.com
hey,
ReplyDeletei saw that you went to that fashion boxing event. do you know if this is still running and if there's some way i can get in.
let me know. how i can get in contact you.
Looking to go to the next event, just heard about this thing. Would appreciate any info, thanks!
ReplyDeletejonm5896@yahoo.com
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