Oganic Clothing for Pretentious Assholes

 
A Tribeca boutique that hustles sells "organic" clothing to parents was featured in Metro this morning with the famous Eco-Friendly tagline. According to the store owner, "The word “organic” can be hard to define". But for her it means clothing that was not purchased at Target. The owner of a similar store in Park Slope adds “For some reason, some kids are really sensitive to the clothing,” Maybe they are sensitive because of the overbearing helicopter nonsense that is known as parenting these days. The same parents that sue a preschool for teaching colors and the alphabet instead of calculus. The same parents that don't let their children play with metal toys. And the same moron parents that don't vaccinate their kids because Jenny McCarthy said it was evil.

Back in the good old mid 1800's, when the picture above was taken, all American children wore organic hand stitched clothing made from organic slave picked cotton. At least the children that survived the cholera and typhoid to live past age two. Everyone glorifies the "good old days" as if we were better off then. We weren't. The life expectancy was like 27. Just because 87% of today's population is morbidly obese doesn't make life worse now. People are lazy and stupid now, when back in the day people were just stupid. And much of the clothing we wear now is hand stitched. Except instead of your mother hand stitching by candlelight, it is hand stitched by Liu-Mei in a locked windowless room on Bayard Street. 

Here is my ecoconservatiorgnicsustainable-tip of the day. Dig a hole. Get in the hole. Bury yourself. Now you're compost! Thanks for being eco-friendly!

Clothing For Holocaust Survivors & Starving Africans

Please help Artist/Designer Katy Hoelck make her fashion line, like, a reality for only, like, $2,000! Like yah! The clothing was "inspired by California wildfires" and of course uses an ECO-FRIENDLY "patented heat transfer dye technique that uses no water in its process"!!!!! Nevermind that the clothing will be produced in a Shanghai sweatshop, whatevs, its ECO FRIENDLY!

Don't you think someone who can afford $17,700 PER SEMESTER to afford Parsons could afford a couple more thousand to put her life's work into practice? I'm sure Katty will have a job waiting for her when she is done with school.... This horrible line of clothing appears as if it has been designed with Holocaust Survivors, Rwandan Refugees or poor people in mind. Not "American Poor" as in they live in the projects and eat McDonalds every day and weigh 300 lbs by the time they begin puberty at age 9. Actual poor people. Like in India or Africa who have to sell their youngest babies to buy food for their other babies.

But wait...pledge $30 NOW and get a free order of tasteless vegan organic cookies!

San-Diego-Born-NewYork-Transplant Katty Hoelck

I'm not going to be a complete dick and link to her facebook page, which is completely public (look at meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!) I sort of feel bad, I dont think "Katty" ever had a chance.