PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer scarf wearing Fauxhemian accordion players want nothing more than to be noticed ALL. THE. TIME. Hipsters would love it if they could attach a 40 foot flashing LED sign to the back of their bike in order to get people to pay attention to them but that's just not feasible to store in a NYC apartment. Globe bicycles has nailed the hipster demographic and is gonna make bank on these douchebags over the next couple months by selling the douche-cycle. I have seen a few of them around the city the last few weeks, and someone just forwarded me this article. First of all, fuck hipsters. This is not a "fixie" as it has brakes (soooo unauthentic). Second of all, the only people that really give a shit that their bike is flashing neon yellow are the 7 year old retards who buy their bikes at K-Mart.

The bike "comes in colors like orange, and teal and yellow — perfect for the demographic, right? Sure enough, it turns heads. I got compliments at stop lights and from passers-by while locking it up. Granted, mine had the limited edition “Animal Collective” paint job."

That is the #1 priority on which I base all my decisions. A cool paint job. But don't worry, these bikes weren't meant to last. After about a year they fall apart. Which is perfect, because one year is roughly the amount of time these transplant flyover state Sherlock Holmes impersonators last in Brooklyn before they realize painting 40's, pouring coffee twice a week, and dressing up in their best/worst steam punk attire and playing banjo in the Bedford Street subway station wont cover the maintenance fees on your $2 million Billyburg loft.

This bike is a piece of pretentious crap that only appeals to non bike riding weekend warriors douchebag attention drawing hipsters. No self respecting bike rider would ever be caught dead on one. Fucking Animal Collective.

There goes Ethan biking to his sustainable urban graffiti knitting class.