Trayvon Martin Tragedy (as narrated by Tom)

My friend Tom is awesome. He is a brilliant engineer and earned tens of thousands on the internet playing online poker. He hates people. He doesn't like me, you, or anyone else. If anyone has less of a filter and a bigger mouth than me; its Tom. Here are just a few of Tom's brilliant quotes in regard to the recent shooting and coverup:

"I must have missed it, because, as a casual news follower it seemed like the massive story push was "white guy murders black teen and walks away"... it should be "retard shoots black teen, cops sit on dildos instead of figuring out whether or not he should walk away.""

 "What if douche fucks story is actually true? i.e. he stepped out of the car to check the street sign, then got punched broken nose, head slammed repeatedly."

"why the fuck this retard didn't stay home and shoot the next generation of mcd's managers into a kleenex instead of reenacting whatever movie he lives by is beyond me."

"Personally, I do think zimmerman should be in jail for something, or lobotomized for stupidity, but Im not the grand tsar of the united states." (BTW God help us all if by some chance Tom is named the Grand Tsar of the United States.)

" forget what the funeral director said.  shouldn't we be looking at the medical examiner's report, not a drop out make up artists medical opinion"

"nothing will really change. The next actor gets caught giving a BJ to a tranny and we all forget about Trayvon." How true Tom. And eloquent too.

GO BIG BLUE!

Why Everyone Hates White People

Just read some of the quotes below from your run of the mill average White Person and you will realize why every single person on earth hates Crackers. These are not made up. They are actual quotes from just one real White Person. Attempt to multiply the obnoxiousness of just this one White Person by the 200 million of us living in this country alone. It boggles the mind and makes me sick:

"I've got house reno's on the mind... I'm hoping my art studio will be set up in the near future."

"I worry about my art—will I be able to bring all my art supplies with me on the road?"

"My mother-in-law is a former concert pianist."

 

"I usually do not make it through a yoga or dance class or a meditation hour without tears pushing their way forcefully up from the depths of my belly. The tears beg for freedom, they beg to drop down my cheeks and hit the floor so as to run as far away from me as possible. I live a conflicted existence—a free-spirit who often feels imprisoned and unable to express itself as freely as it needs to."

"Lately I've felt particularly drawn to pine trees, what with their peaceful scent, rich forest green color, and beautiful shape. "

"I find it really difficult to paint if I don't have natural, free-flowing momentum"

"We are living in one of my mother-in-law's homes this summer"

"I'm loving this upholstered headboard by Pottery Barn"

"Two years ago I decided to give up on "security" (read: quit my "real job") and leap into the unknown of an artistic life."

"I made a batch of gluten-free blueberry muffins the other day" 

They Grabbin Yo People Up

More Brooklyn & Not Brooklyn

Check out the originals here and here:

 

I Hate Ironic Bearded Assholes!

This is one of the most rediculous things I have seen next to the Art Boat or this Bike Lane Asshole. Hipsters are now slumming it up Depression Era style. They have to pretend they are poor people from the 1920's because if they pretended they were modern poor people they would just get robbed. This awesome article titled, "It’s called “poverty.” You’ve probably never heard of it." perfectly sums it up. Theres nothing worse than a bunch of trust fund assholes pretending they're poor.

The Deckest Bag in the Universe

The deckest bag ever has just been invented by Brooklyn resident Kate Bryant. Kate, originally from Ohiotucky spent $250,000 on her Pratt Degrees."When not working on her line, Kate rides her vintage Peugeot to her day job as a copywriter." Yes, of course she does.

This bag retails for "only" $325. Yes, $325.

These sustainable and artisanally made pieces are produced in the garment district under "fair labor conditions". All the Hondurans employed in the Midtown sweatshop earn a "liveable wage", which in Honduras is $.079 per hour. This might seem like just pennies, but those Honduran laborers packed 35 to a 1-br apt in Queens sure have it good, Nicaraguans earn only $0.42 per hour. This fair trade and sustainable practice ensures that each Honduran laborer is able to send $4.50 to their families in Honduras each month.