Gowanus Cancer Canal & The Horrible Art Boat

I'm not sure what is more of an environmental pollutant here, the cancer causing carcinogens in the water and sediment of the Gowanus Canal or the parentally funded Hipsters polluting the streets of our great city. Yesterday's NY Times featured an article confirming the threat the Gowanus poses to public health, especially to the papier mache artists/baristas/production assistant bloggers who have chosen to have repeated contact with its toxic waters. The hordes of socially underdeveloped 20-somethings who arrive armed with useless $140,000 liberal arts degrees simply see this uber authentically deck industrial background as their adult playground, not the extremely hazardous toxic waste dump that it actually is.

These suburban morons happen to find the most polluted tract of land in America on which to build their "Sculptural Rivercraft". I present the newest useless Hipster toy: the Gowanus Art Boat. I could not fucking make this shit up if I tried. So this shitty ramshackle raft that basically looks like a larger scale version of something I might have hammered together in my grandfather's woodshop when I was five years old, is now being used for an art, champagne and oyster bar in the midst of a fucking toxic waste dump? Can I get some extra mercury with my polychlorinated biphenyls? Thanks, Tyler. So deck of you.

Says Meghan: "I'll have some extra cancer with my deck scarf"

But the ridiculousness doesn't end here. They plan on shipping the boat to India and floating it down the Ganges. At least the Ganges, the communal sink and toilet of 500 million Indians, is cleaner and smells better than the Gowanus Canal. The artists plan on sailing their "boat" down to the city of Varanasi, where they will present "visual and musical events in collaboration with local musicians." That is, if they havent all died from acute lukemia by then. Does anyone else find this plan beyond crazy? 400 million Indians live in abject fucking poverty! They cant feed themselves, the last thing they want to see if Brook and Josh sailing down the Ganges in their ART BOAT.

"Dear Vishnu, I pray that you send me an Art Boat built by privileged upper middle class douchebags so that I have something to admire while I take a dysentery ridden shit in my corpse-filled drinking water."