Monday, April 4, 2011

Oganic Clothing for Pretentious Assholes

 
A Tribeca boutique that hustles sells "organic" clothing to parents was featured in Metro this morning with the famous Eco-Friendly tagline. According to the store owner, "The word “organic” can be hard to define". But for her it means clothing that was not purchased at Target. The owner of a similar store in Park Slope adds “For some reason, some kids are really sensitive to the clothing,” Maybe they are sensitive because of the overbearing helicopter nonsense that is known as parenting these days. The same parents that sue a preschool for teaching colors and the alphabet instead of calculus. The same parents that don't let their children play with metal toys. And the same moron parents that don't vaccinate their kids because Jenny McCarthy said it was evil.

Back in the good old mid 1800's, when the picture above was taken, all American children wore organic hand stitched clothing made from organic slave picked cotton. At least the children that survived the cholera and typhoid to live past age two. Everyone glorifies the "good old days" as if we were better off then. We weren't. The life expectancy was like 27. Just because 87% of today's population is morbidly obese doesn't make life worse now. People are lazy and stupid now, when back in the day people were just stupid. And much of the clothing we wear now is hand stitched. Except instead of your mother hand stitching by candlelight, it is hand stitched by Liu-Mei in a locked windowless room on Bayard Street. 

Here is my ecoconservatiorgnicsustainable-tip of the day. Dig a hole. Get in the hole. Bury yourself. Now you're compost! Thanks for being eco-friendly!

1 comment:

  1. The 1880's, especially in some of the more urbane , progressive areas in New England, also California and elsewhere , was a better time in many (though not all ways) .

    For one the people were not mass electronic media aka televsion influenced and television saturated back then . Hence, the mental landscapes did not tend to be as clutterred and given to cultural detritus , as they are in the current era where television is so pervasive .

    Remember it is television influence (especially that of the evil postmodernist station named MTV ) that has been the breeding ground for the hipster mileu .

    Furthermore, architecture back in the 1880's tended to be a lot better than in the current era of banal, prosaic mass produced Mc Mansions .

    Also , the veneration of the automobile had not yet done a number on urban planning, for cars were not extant then . It is a car- based urban planning paradigm that has allowed the trendy , conformist hipsters to thrive .

    And, of course, the music in the 1880's was infinitely preferrable to the ambivalent and kitschy music of that proto-hipster Alanis Morisette .

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