There is much bitching and moaning about why we hate Hipsters and wish they would go away. However, there is little being done to proactively address the situation. I mean, we can wait around till they all get cancer and die, or until they sterilize themselves out of existence, but I don't want to wait that long. I want them gone. Not next year. Not next month. I want them gone now. While my respected colleagues at Die Hipster wish the Hipsters would all Die, this is just not a viable long term solution. There are just too many Hipsters to kill and they have become entrenched into every filthy crevice of our society. We all know the Hipster extinction wont occur overnight, so here are a few steps we all must take to ensure the steady decrease of the Hipster population:
1. The good old fashioned Hipster Boycott. Vote with your wallet and do not patronize businesses that are owned by Hipsters, cater to Hipsters or use Hipsters in their advertising. There is always a non-Hipster alternative. Let businesses know why you are not patronizing them.
2. If you are the parent of a Hipster, cut off funding IMMEDIATELY. If your child is 23 or older and still displaying Hisperish tendencies, there is little that you can do to reestablish yourself as a "Good Parent", as you have already failed thus far, but there is hope for the next generation. Don't let this go any further. Do not purchase any more art supplies. Cut off all credit cards. Do not make any more car, rent, or mortage payments. Buy him/her a real suit with real shoes in which they can look like a real person on a real job interview, not a thrift store reject.
3. If you are in a position of authority, do NOT, under any circumstance, hire a Hipster. Even if you work in a Hipster friendly field such as bartending/service industry, or media production, DO NOT HIRE A HIPSTER. There are thousands of normal hardworking students, immigrants, and teenagers and young adults with career aspirations out there that would love to work at this position as a stepping stone in their career. Unlike the Hipster, who simply wishes to be a Barista/Production Assistant forever while they do their papier mache art/keyboard composing on the side. Hiring these part time losers simply encourages their poor behavior. We must as a society collectively scream NO and rub their noses in it.
4. Do not acknowledge Hipsters. There are three subsets to this category:
A) If their accordion, banjo and keytar "band" is playing 1980's cartoon theme songs in the subway, stand directly in front of them with your back to them. Yes, I loved the Silverhawks too, but Hipsters survive on attention. If they are ignored, they shrivel up and die.
B) If a Hipster is walking towards you, walk right through them*. Hipsters are not real people, thus they must not be treated as such. *Note: after applying this tactic, make sure to shower and dispose of all your clothes immediately in order to avoid bed bugs.
C) If you are in sales, do not serve any Hipster. That parentally funded commission might seem nice, but if we as a society shun them, they will leave us and move back to Canada or the Midwest and bother people there. Start by not making eye contact and move on to serving other customers. Most times the Hipster will slink out of the store unnoticed, as they were taught to avoid confrontation under any circumstance.
I know this list if far from complete, as we have just begun to address this problem. Please post any more ideas you may have.