Contrary Clown-Fuckers Ride the Deckest Bike in the Universe

Anna the Artisinally Unemployed Anorexic Pratt Graduate

Why buy just any bike when you can be "unique"??? Republic bikes are so unique they have two unique body-frames: the unique Hipster #1 Classic Fixie and the unique Hipster #2 Custom Plato Dutch, which comes in one and three speed models. (Note: the Hipster #1 Classic Fixie Model also comes in an alternate unique Fauxhemian style. This style allows you to look unique and cool by making it appear as if you are riding a fixie while you actually pedal the bike like a normal non-unique person.)

Predicable counter-culture seems to have embraced the Native American (or as Hipsters call them– First Nations) practice of being “Contrary.” For those of you unaware of this phenomenon, a Contrary was a member of a tribal group who deliberately acted opposite of other tribal members. In fact, much like the Hipsters of today, Contraries were a distinct minority loosely organized into a cult devoted to the practice of “backwards” behavior.

Contraries were partially related to the Clown organizations of the Native American tribes. The Lakota word “heyoka,” translates literally to the term "clown". Hence, these Hipster doofuses are, in fact, copycat clown-fuckers. While the Contrary Native Americans rode their horses backward, our contemporary clown-fuckers have managed to find a mode of transportation that is counter-productive in relation to what is available today.

The only real remedy for such Contrary behavior is to shun the “backwards warrior” into isolation so that their counterproductive behavior does not disrupt and/or infect the rest of society by running over any Hipster clown-fucker riding a Republic bike with your car, SUV, regular bike, Segway, roller/inline skates, etc. If you are lucky enough to see a Segway running over a Hipster-doofus on a Republic bike, immediately run over the Segway also.

Sadly, this picture needs no caption.