Unique, Local, Sustainable, Fair Trade Bullshit

I am disgusted to announce the opening of yet another "local", "sustainable", "fair trade", "unique",  insert hipster cliche here boutique masquerading as a viable business. The Owl and Thisle General Store is an "urban mercantile specializing in local, green, fair and direct-trade products". Here is a sample of the garbage they will be selling to douchebaghipsteryuppies for a 10,000% markup:

All natural play dough in aromatic varieties like cardamom, lemongrass, and lavender. "ooooh little Tyler and Brook simply adore their lemongrass playdough! They would never use unpretentiously non-unique flavored playdough!"

Night Owl Paper Goods: Eco-chic wooden goodies and handmade paper goods crafted by a midwestern couople with a passion for craftmanship, detail and of course the environment.

Mclure's Pickles- These artisanally made and locally produced pickles retail for a mere $10 for a 32 ounce jar. Check this article out for more about how the Hipster thinks they invented pickles.

The granola sold at this abomination of a genral store hails from The Granola Lab. Their granola is artisanally made in their overpriced Billyburg loft. Of course it is. 

And finally, no authentic and unique general store would be complete without fair trade handbags, jewelry and accessories produced at the Awava women's cooperative in Uganda. You can actually buy a reasonably priced handbag from that website for about $20. I have no doubt the gentrifying general store will mark that up about 1000%.

Artisanal pottery and jewelry maker Yudaya Nakibuka dreads the day when
gentrifyingDJ/Barista/production assistant bloggers price her out of her Ugandan
hut and she is forced to move to a less gentrifiried village 6 subway stops to the east