Jews for Jesus

Super Kewl Jews for Jesus Clubhouse

I have known this group was stupid for as long as I can remember. Supporters of Jesus already have an official name and a place to gather. Called "Christians", for over 2,000 years they have gathered not in cool clubhouses like the one pitured above, but in actual churches. Jews for Jesus is like a group called Catholics for Allah. Or Hindus for Hamburgers. Or Black People for Keeping Their Voices Down at the Movies. Or Chinese People for Decent Hygeine and Letting People Off the Subway First Before Pushing Their Way On.

This has got to be one of the dumbest ploys to get Jews to convert. They don't call us "model minorities" for nothing. We know better than to accept spiritual advice from a flier some Habitat for Humanity reject hands us in front of Yankee Stadium. If you want us to convert, the Spanish methods during the Inquisition worked pretty well. Convert or Die is much more effective than tri-fold pamphlets.

If you want to boost your #'s, you got to highlight whats cool about Christianity. There's not much after bacon and Santa, but I'm sure you could figure out something. Like every Jew that converts gets double Christmas presents for the first five years. Or refer a friend and you get to cut the line at Communion. And finally a welcome basket including t-shirts and pins highlighting Crusade victories, a free ham or two, some Jesus/crucifix jewelery and some pictures of Jesus or a giant Jesus on the cross to put up in your living room.

P.S. Im in Aruba right now continuing the search for Natalee Holloway. I'm making progress. I started at the pool with a few drinks in order to go over search patterns. Then I continued my search on the beach. I will keep you posted.