Thursday, January 20, 2011

Hippies Vs. Hipsters

For too long, us peaceful hippies have stood on sidelines – allowing the true and beautiful nature of hip culture to be fouled by the pungent nature of the hipster. Many in mainstream culture simply group us together and wish to throw us all into the East River, but there are several notable distinctions that establish hippies a few steps above hipsters on the social ladder. This post will discuss these distinctions.

1. Daily Life:
While most hipsters come from wealthy families who can afford to subsidize their Williamsburg apartments and expensive American Apparel/fixed-gear bike purchases, hippies literally come from every walk of life. Unlike hipsters, however, who are only capable of working at tea houses and waiting tables at non-corporate restaurants – hippies can be artists, doctors, lawyers, teachers, members of our nation’s armed services, street pharmacists, or even nitrous-filled balloon salesmen/women.
    2. Fashion
    Hipsters: tight jeans, ironic t-shirts with popular childhood images that were lame as a kid and are still lame now, keffiyahs (only if they are not actually members of the Islamic faith).
    Hippies: tie-dye, dreads, strange odors, comfortable shoes, sandals, or no shoes at all, beat up boots in the winter.

    3. Politics:
    Hipsters: liberal but in a brain-damaged way, have set back the progressive movement in this country by thirty years simply by dumbing themselves.
    Hippies: “We live no particular way but our own.”
        4. Drugs
        Hipsters: marijuana, cocaine, 4loco.
        Hippies: literally anything and everything, often at once.

        5. Important Cultural Icons
        Hipsters: Bret Michaels, Barack Obama (until he actually took office), Sarah Palin (ironically), Stephen Malkmus, Wu-Tang Clan.
        Hippies: Jerry Garcia, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Trey Anastasio, Hunter S. Thompson, Ken Kesey, (insert name of shitty jam band musician here)

        6. Concert Etiquette:
        The average hipster at a concert is no more advanced than a 6th grader at his first dance, standing in one spot, clad in black, arms folded over his chest. In contrast, the hippie will sway, dance, jump, sing, smoke, twist, and melt – all while sharing bowls of the kind with his fellow man, woman, or child. Another key difference between hippies and hipsters at concerts can be noticed on the level of how much they are enjoying the show. Ask a hipster if it is having a good time, and they will either respond sarcastically or simply move away from you – as to enjoy anything runs counter to the hipster personality profile – to enjoy is to be unhip. Ask a hippie, however, and they will respond with several “wooos”, high fives, and possibly even bowls of the kind.

        7.Jobs:
        Ok… well… neither of us have those.


              1 comment:

              1. Old style hippies are certainly preferable to trendy scenesters/hipsters .

                ReplyDelete