My search for Natalee Holloway

I be back from Aruba bitches! My search for Natalee Holloway in Aruba was unsuccessful, although I uncovered a few new leads and I did find some shells on the beach. I also found this rope (see below) which may or may not have been used in her disappearance:

Evidence? Probably.

When I first arrived, I headed to the place where Ms. Holloway was last seen; the bar. After four martinis, I was ready to start the search. She was not at the pool bar nor the beach bar. I scoured various other beach bars, only to find the locals and vacationing Brooklyn Jews very hesitant to help. What were they hiding?

I found myself in a deepening mystery similar to the Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys crossover caper titled Tropic of Fear. The local police were of no help. What were they hiding?

As in the tale, my wife suspected greed and corruption were behind the disappearance, while all my evidence pointed to a gang of art thieves. Ms. Holloway must have uncovered their crimes, and she was murdered to silence her!

In order to find her body, I chartered a ship to scour known dumping grounds. Here I am diving into the investigation via a super kewl and effective rope swing:

As the week ended, our leads began to dry up. The gang of art thieves seemed to vanish without a trace. I could only promise that I would return year after year to continue the search. The leaders of one of the many local Vacation Clubs agreed this was the best idea, although I suspect they may be behind the disappearance as well.