Obesity is Awesome

Imagine a world where everyone looks the same. A world with no fast food. No all you can eat buffet. A country in which our GDP is decreased by the $700 trillion dollars we spend each year on non-essential food items, lap band surgeries, and vehicles, MRI machines, and coffins designed to fit humans the size of small water buffalo. It is not the one third of Americans who are obese that is the problem, it is the two thirds of non-obese Americans who are not pulling their weight. If your BMI is less than 32 than you are a terrorist.

Our economy is reliant on fat asses staying alive longer so they can eat more, get fatter and need more medical attention. The Bloomberg nanny state and Zionist advertising industry has repeatedly told us that obesity is wrong. Who are they to tell me I should not eat 4,500 calories per day?

Who would want to live in a world without this?

McDonalds stock is valued at almost $75. What would happen to the $68 trillion dollar fast food industry without fatty fatty fat fats stuffing their faces with 1400 calorie breakfasts or 450 calorie soft drinks? The plus size clothing industry would be decimated from the 9 year old Chinese children making the clothes to the minimum wage white trash sales people.

A healthier population would decimate the global health care industry. The $16 billion spent each year on Lap Band surgeries would disappear. The female population of the Philipines would face unemployment at unprecedented levels. Doctors would be forced into poverty. Plus size coffin makers and heavy lift operators would be lose their livelihood. We would lose drama filled television programming such as The Biggest Loser, I Didnt Know I was Pregnant, More to Love and Dance Your Ass Off.

Without Obesity, health freaks would not have to overcompensate. The health food industry would be destroyed if everyone just ate normal size portions and exercised minimally. Gym memberships would be obsolete and without the need for specialized and organic foods based on strict dietary requirements, hipster yuppie supermarket chains such as Whole Foods, Wild Oats, and Trader Joes would shutter their doors.

The American public has spoken. 10 additional years of life expectancy is just not worth it if I cannot enjoy my KFC/Taco Bell Combo at least three times per week. What kind of life is that anyway? Certainly not one I would wish on my worst enemy. Support Obesity or consequences will never be the same.