BREAKING INSIDER NEWS: Hipster Proposal for Street Use

Below is the horrific proposal to transform NYC streets into Hipster friendly zones. I came across it on one of my favorite blogs, diehipster.com, and it has been confirmed by my sources inside NYC government at the Mayor's Office as well as the Department of Transportation. My media sources have also confirmed its existence, and it should hit the major daily papers by the end of the week.

Hipsters are a problem not to be taken lightly. I know it is difficult to spot them in the winter, when their scarves, wools hats and beards cause them to blend in with the general population. However, if you see any of the following you have a genuine hipster on your hands, and it is highly recommended that you dispose of the Hipster by throwing them into the East River or by setting them on fire: Keffiyah, Chuck Taylors, tight pants, multiple Apple products, or artisanaly made chocolate bars. The Hipster must be stopped at any cost.